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Thursday, April 28th, 2005
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6:36 am
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out of nowhere he surprised me, got on one knee, and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him... so this way he can be assured that we can't be torn apart over anything anymore... of course i said yes! any girl would be stupid to turn down a ring that beautiful and a man that fuckin sexy who worships the ground she walks on.. lol. :)
more later.
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| Friday, April 22nd, 2005
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2:26 am
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hmm... i dont know if this is good news or bad news right now, im still trying to figure it out all since ryan called a few hours ago and dropped a bomb on me. dawn made a mistake and confessed to one of her good friends that the baby wasn't really ryans, but another dude named chads, but since chad is a bum and ryan has money, she told ryan it was his. the girl told her boyfriend who was a friend of mine and ryans, cause she didnt think it was right. and of course, he told ryan and ryan called me. the grapevine mess... bleh.
so that leaves it all up in the air again. ryan said that as much as he loves me, i really hurt him by breaking up with him so he could be with dawn, but he is going to leave the answer of whether we are going to get back together or not up to me. so not fun.. grr.
so now im left as of what to do. i love him so very very much... oh hell, what the fuck is my problem. that answers it right there... yes...
im gonna go call ryan and get my baby back. peace.
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| Sunday, April 10th, 2005
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12:27 am
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today has not been a very good day. i have spent the last few hours bawling. i broke up with ryan. i feel it was the only right thing to do, and now, its killing me. the day started out great cause i woke up in his arms and he made breakfast for me. sometime around noonish the phone rang and ryan answered it, and from his end of the conversation i could tell that things were not good. little did i know that my life was about to change for the worse... it was dawn. she had just got home from the hospital. turns out that she is pregnant. and according to her, ryan was the last person that she slept with. when he told me i didn't know whether to scream or cry or what. here he is so excited to be a father and im just sitting there looking at him thinking about how he's having a child with another girl, one that i hate severely. i sat there for a long time looking at him and trying to decide what i should do. in my heart i knew the right thing was to let him go, as much as it hurts me, so he can be a proper father and caretaker for dawn and their child. so i told him that and he started crying as well, and tried to convince me that we would work it out. but i don't want his child to grow up from a broken family and not have a mommy and a daddy together. i have seen it happen way to many times and i always feel horrible for the young child. i hope that i made the right choice. i love ryan, and thought that we were going to get married some day and have a family of our own, but i guess i was wrong. wow, i have to go. i cant stop crying.
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| Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
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6:26 pm
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whats up everyone? im just sitting here eating some jellybeans and talking to maria on instant message. nothing of interest has occured as of late, so i really don't have a lot to write about, except one thing: my best friend is getting married saturday!!!!! eeks. its nothing real major, just something small at the park with close friends and family. i am excited though, i get to be the maid of honor, even tho i have to go find my own dressy clothes to wear for it. she didnt want all the frills of marriage, but i guess her parents told her they didnt want her being married and no ceremony for them to and everyone else to join. so this was the compromise. im really happy for her, i just can't believe she is getting married and going to be a wife. maybe this will open ryan's eyes a bit for the future for us... hm.
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| Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
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11:33 pm
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im thinking of going back to work at wal mart, because as much as i hated it, it was definately money... and with these crazy gas prices, i think that i'll need all of it i can get. so i shall go in the morning and talk to my old boss. fun fun. well there really isn't anything of interest going on, so im outtie.
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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4:17 pm
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i was quite lazy today and didn't wake up until around 3 this afternoon. its nice that i can do that since im a jobless idiot right now, but also makes me feel like a bit of a bum. what finally woke me up was my cell phone constantly beeping because i had voicemails and text messages and missed calls. most were from ryan, trying to figure out where in the world i was and why i wasn't answering the phone.
easter was quite nice. i spent it with ryan and his family and they all had tons of food and the little kids had an egg hunt afterwards. it made me think back to the days that i was younger and my cousins and i would go around the church yard and hunt eggs. it was such a fun time. -sighs- i hate being old, i really do. i want to just be a little kid again and never grow up.
well i am gonna get off here and find some food.
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| Sunday, March 20th, 2005
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3:15 am
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wow... i haven't written in here for a very long time. i actually kind of forgot about it until the other day when ryan was babbling about his gj. i figured that maybe i should come in here and check up on everyone and such.
ryan and i are back together. i know, i know. we have had a lot of crap to deal with and been through hell and back. but we have had quite a bit of conversations about it, and finally worked a lot of stuff out. in fact, i think it was dating damon that finally tipped it all off. he realized that i was moving on and away from him, for good.
i am looking for a new job.
i saw something about mel c the other day on mtv, or fox or something. stating how she was the biggest dancer to sell the most cds or something? i know, nevermind.. sounds stupid.
how is everyone??
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| Thursday, November 11th, 2004
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6:11 am
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so life hasn't been the most interesting lately, but its getting by. :)
i got a new job at wal mart. im a cashier girl. i get to wear a blue smock and everything! whoo! aren't i cool as hell?
im dating a new guy now. his name is damon. he has a motorcycle too. he told me i was gonna turn into a biker chick and start rocking the rags and harley shirts. i can deal with that, but forget the tight straight leg jeans and the huge hairsprayed hair. ill go semi-biker or something.
okay. well i just wanted to let everyone know that i hadn't died or something. im off to go leave some comments. bye.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 6th, 2004
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12:21 am
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im finally home! and man, it sure is nice. i missed it really badly, haha.
i will update more later when i have time. im exhausted right now. bye.
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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9:56 pm
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i actually had a good chance to get online this evening and write in here. i cant wait until i get back home and can return to doing everything that i used too. i mean, i really like it here and the time away has helped me a whole lot. but theres no place like home, right?
i can't believe how much that i miss ryan right now. its so crazy. we have talked a few times. maybe we'll get back together when we get home, im not really sure.
they say that love is a fickle thing, but they also say that it conquers all. i really dont know if i believe that anymore. because if you really love someone, you learn to let them. and if they are yours, they come back you. all of that stuff about love really makes me confused and i don't know what to believe. i really don't. bleh.
i miss my friends too. :( is anyone even reading this?
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| Saturday, June 12th, 2004
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11:47 am
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im tired. im hot. and i miss ryan so very much. i seem to be crying myself to sleep over this whole ordeal. its just all really crazy. bleh.
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| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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3:30 pm
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things here in texas are okay. i am doing alright. i miss home, but its good to get away and start over somewhere else for awhile. hmm. i wont be back until august, so expect updates to be far and few between until then. im still checking in when i can tho. hope everyone is doing good and all the people i love are well.
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| Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
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9:49 am
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i just want everyone to know that im not updating because lack of care to my journal. right now its lack of time. im getting ready to head to texas for awhile to help out a family member, and im not sure how much internet access time i will have there. but nobody please delete me off of your lists because if i can, i will get online and read them. i do read everyones updates, even if i don't comment. and if you don't hear from me for a couple weeks, don't worry. ill be back very soon!! k?
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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9:04 am
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my life is very boring.
i have only went to school this week. i am very tired. and i dont even want to be in class right now. its nice outside and i would much rather be out there. but no, im stuck here. and it stinks.
i miss ryan. a lot.
i went over to his house last night with two of my friends, and it was very awkward. i just wanted to sit down and act like i knew the place very well. after all, it used to to be a second home to me. but i couldn't do that. my place was usually with ryan. it was just natural. and now, its very weird. i don't like it. at all.
-sighs-
but what is a girl to do about the men these days? you love 'em, you leave 'em. that seems to be how the verdict usually goes these days. it freakin sucks a lot. lol
k. im gone.
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| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
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3:14 pm - "now you made your bed so you have to sleep in it...."
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im at school right now. and nothing of interest is going on.
its nice outside today. like, very very nice. close to 80 degrees. im wearing shorts and cute red tank top. fun stuff. hehe.
i talked to ryan earlier. i ran into him as i was leaving wal mart this morning. i had to pick up some things for my mom. he seemed okay. he was with dawn though. which doesn't surprise me, but still angers me a little bit.
i watched my spice video last night. it brought back a few old memories. haha. i wish that they were still together. man.
okay. i need to be doing some thats more productive than sitting at the computer, such as typing up a paper. but im not really in the mood. im content to just surf around aimlessly and read things that catch my eye.
okay. yeah. im going. bye.
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| Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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2:57 pm - this love has taken control of me....
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so i finally took a shower. go me. heh.
i also added a few people who seemed interesting to my friends list. im hoping that all of them or at least most of them add me back so i can get going with this whole lj thing. i miss my gj sometimes, cause it was always kicking it. heh.
i got an icon from spice icons. its cute, its of emma. sexy girl. lol.
i actually went and visited my father today. that was a boring time. he had to leave so he didnt say much to me. surprise surprise.
im gonna go call maria. bye.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:43 pm
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so once again i am here at a new place.
i am going through after this first entry and finding friends to add. it feels lonely not having anyones journals to read. of friends. so hopefully ill find some fellow spice fans or something to get me started on this new thing.
ryan called last night. stupid me answered the phone. i hadnt seen nor heard from him in two weeks, so what is a person to expect me to do? i know the best thing would be to ignore all calls.. but i dont know, i answered anyway. and now it makes me feel stupid because we had nothing at all to talk about. he kept talking about dawn and their new relationship, which is not something that i want to hear about. at all. im the one who left him and yet i sometimes wonder if i made mistake.
its close to 70 degress outside. thats so nice. i am wearing shorts and a tank top.
okay. i need to go shower. bye.
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spicymissy's journal